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A Note On My Absence

As clients and followers, I wanted to fill you in on my hiatus. My best friend committed suicide after being falsely accused of molesting one of his students. He had been struggling with clinical depression and the accusations sent him over the edge. Instead of asking for help (which his family, my family and many others would have given him), he shot himself in his car in a parking lot five minutes from my house. All he had to do was make a left hand turn into my subdivision to change the outcome. He chose a permanent solution to a very temporary problem. To make matters worse, I had to see one of the kindest, most loving men I've ever known branded as a pedophile on any news network you can think of. It's been awful.

For twelve years, Zac was my best friend, rock, shoulder to cry on and biggest cheerleader. When I decided to start my business, he was one of two people who initially supported me. He stood by me through my dad's death, a rape, and a stalker. He was the best friend you could ask for. We talked weekly- if not daily- for the better part of twelve years. He was my Homecoming date my sophomore year of high school. He accompanied me to many Marvel, DC, and Star Wars movies. The Purge movies were our guilty pleasure. I sat through plenty of Asian horror movies with him. We went on adventures all over Atlanta- esp. to the zoo and aquarium, where I'm a member. He snuck my chinchilla extra treats and helped me with a few pet sitting clients. Our late "cat from hell" even loved him! Trust me- she didn't love anyone. He was the brother I never had but always wanted.

 

Saying I miss him is an understatement. I still text him daily out of habit and have two shirts that smell just like him in mason jars- one in my office and one in my room. I cried every hour on the hour when he died and pretty much daily since. I've lost weight from not eating. Everything feels pointless without him. It's all awful.

The accusations against him are complete and total bullshit. Don't believe everything you hear- it's all fake news. There is no truth regarding the accusations against him AT ALL. Someone from the school was leaking false information to the media. There's a lot you DON'T know.

A law school drop out could have gotten the charges dropped. He got set up and it's pretty obvious. The principal and a few teachers at his school didn't like him and had it out for him. His phone was seized illegally. The supposed "porn" was a half naked anime girl. The student's confession was coerced- the poor kid is a refugee with a lot of behavioral and depression issues. The interview also wasn't conducted properly and wouldn't have been admissible in court. That's the quick version. I'm not going into a lot of detail.

Also, he HATED being touched and was the least affectionate person I've known. I'm probably the only person I know who got good hugs from him. Everyone else got a "butt out" hug. His students also didn't know what deodorant was yet and were at the age where they were sorta gross. So, he always showered right after he got home to get rid of any kid germs.

He loved those students like his own and took care of them. He helped their families with any form you can think of- medical, taxes, immigration, etc. I recommended an immigration attorney I met on Tinder. He accompanied many families to any appointment you can think of- including doctor's appointments. He was supposed to teach English at a refugee camp in Thailand over the summer but, broke his arm on a Ripstick with his students and required physical therapy.

After he finished his grant, he was planning on teaching English in Asia and possibly switching over to social work. Zac wanted to work with people very few wanted to work with and do work very few people want to do.

When he died, there were snacks, school supplies, and thirty copies of the Hunger Games for his students. Zac was a hoarder but, it got worse after he started teaching. Since I have Celiac Disease, he consulted me on good snacks for kids with food allergies so everyone could eat. If that's not caring, I don't know what is.

Dating wise, I'm laying low for now. I'm taking about a month to focus on school, work and healing. Emotionally, I'm just not there right now. I'm absolutely taking consultations as well.

Zac was a really special guy and losing him is everyone's worst nightmare. His family is devastated. I'm devastated but, hanging in there. Some days are better than others. My eyes are sore from crying. We were supposed to see Venom the week before he took his life and I'm dealing with a lot of survivor's guilt.

I appreciate everyone who has checked in on me and given me kind words. I am talking to someone and getting help that I need too. Thank you for your patience and support during what has been the worst two weeks of my life.

Life can be hard. Sometimes, everything feels impossible. If you're struggling, please talk to a therapist and get help. Hang in there. Nothing is insurmountable.

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