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Change Your Definition of Proactive

· personal anecdotes

Modern women- especially millenials- need to change their definitions of being proactive when it comes to dating. Asking a man out isn't proactive- it's reckless, stupid, and a waste of your time. Come on- we both know you're WAY too good for that, right? Instead, focus on putting yourself out there:

  1. Sign up for three to five dating apps or sites. It's daunting and annoying but, it's an avenue to meet someone and you need to utilize it. Be active, let him message you first, and  I wrote about this a while back here. I
  2. Join a gym, go hiking, join a sports league or go to a park. Men frequent these places and you should be too. Plus, unless you're severely disabled or have a medical condition that legitimately prevents you from doing so, you need to do something active and go outside. Fresh air and exercise are good for you, as well as a good place to meet others. Want to pick up tennis? Now is the perfect time to start.
  3. Stop excusing bad behavior. When you stop excusing it, the behavior disappears. If a guy isn't treating you with respect, he's a next. 100%. No questions asked. Believe me- the good, quality men show up when it's expected and you aren't dealing with men who make excuses. So, if you stop making excuses for a man's behavior, he'll show up. Simply put, don't take a man's crap. Don't worry about calling him out either- just walk away and date others.
  4. Attend cultural events. Whether gallery openings or cocktail nights at museums, zoos, or aquariums, these are definitely an upgrade from the bar and club scene. If you're in the Atlanta area, check out Fernbank's Martinis and Imax events (as well as monthly salsa night!), Sips Under the Sea at the Georgia Aquarium, and fundraisers like Brew at the Zoo and Sippin' Safari at Zoo Atlanta. Other cities have similar events that are way more fun than the bar and club scene.
  5. Take your dog to the dog park- especially on the weekends.
  6. Take classes and explore hobbies- foreign language, partner dance classes (ex. salsa), martial arts/self defense, Toastmasters, and shooting ranges are all good places to start. Anything hardware or car-related is also good as well- you can learn a new skill and may even meet Mr. Right. Check out your local hardware store for any DIY classes. is also an awesome site for related events and groups pursuing various hobbies and interests.
  7. Ask friends to set you up. In all honesty, I haven't done this but, plan on doing so.
  8. Check out a Korean Sauna. If you're in the Atlanta area, I highly recommend Jeju Sauna. They are incredibly reasonable, you can stay for about twenty four hours, and offer reasonably priced treatments as well as access to the saunas. I usually bring a book, read in the saunas, swim for about an hour, get a hip bath and body scrub, mingle, and (occasionally) spend the night. It's not only a great way to treat yourself but, also a great way to meet other people- including men! I've actually found a few prospective coaching clients here as well. Outside of big cities, you may not have these. But, I know Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, and Washington DC definitely have them. The Korean term is "Jim Jil Bang".
  9. Sporting events are great as well. While our teams never seem to win, Atlanta has almost any major league team you can think of. While a lot of fun (even if you don't keep up), any sporting event is a great place to meet single men.
  10. Go on an adventure in your city. Hike, check out a new museum, or do something different. There's a good chance that you will broaden your horizon, learn something new, and maybe even meet Mr. Right. Personally, I made a list of stuff to check out in the city and also frequent both the Georgia Aquarium and Zoo Atlanta.
  11. Go to singles events. Yes, they can be cliche, boring, and the people can be "so not your type". But, guess what? You're still single and need to put yourself out there. So, give it a shot.
  12. Volunteer for a cause you believe in. If you love animals, volunteer at the animal shelter. If you want to practice your foreign language skills, check out Goethe-Zentrum, Alliance Francaise, or the Latin American Association. It doesn't matter where you volunteer- you're making the world a better place and meeting like-minded people.
  13. Drive for Uber or Lyft. I do this on slow days and meet all kinds of people. While I haven't met Mr. Right this way, it has helped me find clients and could help you meet Mr. Right, while earning some extra cash. If you want to know more, talk to me.
  14. Beaches/poolside/etc. are also great places to meet men. You look great in a bikini, are enjoying the sun, etc. and are more approachable than at a crowded bar or club. Plus, even if you don't meet anyone, you'll get a great tan, which is always a bonus.
  15. Any social invitation you're invited to- even if it's lame. Weddings, parties, etc. are all great places to meet men. I'm not a fan of any of those things but, go anyway. If I can do it, so can you. The absolute worst case scenario is that you get to meet new people and try a new make up tutorial on Pinterest (which is always fun, right?).
  16. Houses of worship are also great places to meet men. It should go without mentioning that this SHOULD NOT BE YOUR SOLE REASON FOR GOING. However, if you are less active in your faith (whatever that may be) or looking for more purpose in life, give it a shot. Even if you are an avowed Atheist, you can go to a meetup. If you're "spiritual but not religious", pick up yoga or meditation. Look, it doesn't matter- just go somewhere and work on your spiritual side. My church has a weekly singles night, scripture study, and usually social events on the weekend (retreats, dances, day trips, etc). I go to as many as I can.
  17. Go to a grocery store or farmer's market in a different part of town. Not only could there be new produce but, most likely, a new crop of men as well.
  18. Take extra care with your appearance and dress a bit nicer- even if just a day to day errands. For me, I visit Jeju Sauna (a local Korean sauna), get an SNS manicure and gel pedicure, and get a full body wax once a month. Can it get somewhat pricey? Yes, I have to make room in my budget. But, if I can as a student, you probably can too. Is it worth it? Absolutely- I feel great afterwards, don't have to do my nails or shave for about a month, and have glowing, smooth skin. Plus, my nails get complimented AT LEAST weekly (usually more, and not just by women). I naturally dress well most of the time. While you don't have to necessarily have to show a lot of skin, wear outfits that are feminine, flattering, and figure hugging. Don't be the woman that wears sweat pants and a grungy hoodie. A man is more likely to approach an average looking woman who puts in some extra effort with her appearance than a sloppily dressed woman who is drop dead gorgeous. Why should you do this day to day? Guys are running errands and going to the DMV, doctor, etc. just like you. I actually talked to a classmate about this a few months ago and his exact words were "Yeah, no one wants to see that (a woman who didn't put forth any effort)". Frankly, it's a turn off for me if a guy doesn't at least make an attempt to dress like an adult and put in a little more effort in the grooming department. If a guy tells you that he doesn't care what a woman looks like, guess what? There's a very good chance that he's lying.

Men are roughly fifty percent of the population. If you look hard enough and take my suggestions, there's a good chance that you'll find the right one for you. Show up, dress up, and get out there- even if you don't feel like it. If you need more help, book a coaching session and I'll put you on the right track to finding Mr. Right.

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