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Mormon Dating: What We're Doing That You're Not

· Mormon Dating


As a Mormon, I get asked some very interesting questions. Do we still practice polygamy? No. "Magic underwear"? Buy me dinner first then we can talk about it ;) But, many have one that's pretty valid: why do y'all get married so quick?

When I joined the church last year, the quickness of engagements really interested me. I was still saving up to start my business at the time and really formulating the business plan for Simply Men and Women. I was taking a year off from dating to become grounded in my faith and learn more. But, left and right, people were pairing off- including a close friend who married his high school sweetheart within THREE MONTHS after they both came back from their respective missions.

As Mormons, we honestly aren't that different than most (nor are we perfect). But, our dating habits are effective. Not only that but, we have one of the lowest divorce rates on the planet. Most of us are married by the time we're thirty. It's hard not to be, quite frankly. There are very few exceptions to this and I can count the number of people I know on one hand who weren't married by their thirtieth birthday. Let's put it this way: I'm twenty six and have plenty of Mormon friends who are pairing off left and right who are younger than me. So, here are some things we do.

1) Social events all the time. While Mutual is our main dating app, it's hard to meet guys off of there. Why? Well, there aren't many near me. Now, if I were in Utah, that would be a different story. But, Mormons aren't the majority in Atlanta. But, there are dances, conferences, and other social activities at least once a month. On top of that, there is church, FHE (our singles night), and Institute (our scripture study). I have a packed schedule and take at least three social actions a week on church stuff alone (although I would go regardless). So, take as many social actions as your schedule allows. Use online dating and apps as a supplement.

2) Marriage is a requirement and a necessity to make it in the next life. If you read "The Family: A Proclamation To The World", it's pretty obvious we take marriage seriously. In one of the latter paragraphs, it reads that the "family is ordained by God". Now, you don't have to go quite that far if it isn't your thing. But, marriage should be the end goal when dating.

3) Living together before marriage is unheard of. This one is honestly self-explanatory but, it's unacceptable with us. Even if you aren't Mormon, it should be unacceptable to you too!

4) . When it comes to marriage, we're told not to expect perfection- but potential. There is no such thing as the perfect man. For example, he may be successful, treat you like a queen and you enjoy being around him but, he's on the shorter and stockier side. But, we're taught to look at the overall package.

5) Few of us date (or marry) nonmembers. I will admit being in this minority since I live in a city where we're the minority. I will also admit to being a convert and not having children down the road. Scandalous, right? Anyway, there is an expectation to be in a relationship with someone who is of the same faith so you can be sealed together in the temple for time and eternity. For nonmembers, this is analogous to marrying someone with similar values and standards. Most Mormons are encouraged to send their children to church affiliated universities. While there are other benefits, a big one is that there are a high concentration of Mormon singles. If you don't meet someone at BYU and live in an area with few Mormons, your options become drastically slimmer.

6) Modesty. This is a big one. However, a lot of women do it all wrong. I have a few flowing dresses that I wear when I don't feel like dressing up. But, you still need to wear form fitting, feminine clothing. In my personal opinion, there is nothing wrong with wearing something sexy and form fitting- maybe showing a hint of cleavage or leg. Another note- most of the women I go to church with may not dress "sexy" but, in any Young Single Adult ward, you will see sexy shoes. Even if she's mostly covered, most women have that one sexy touch- whether it's make up, perfume, hair, shoes, or all of the above. There's no need to show a ton of skin- just a bit here and there will do.

7) No use of mind-altering substances. No alcohol, tobacco, coffee, illicit drugs, etc. When we date, we date clear headed. Now, a coffee date honestly isn't a big deal if you aren't Mormon. But, it's no secret that alcohol clouds judgement.

8) No sex before marriage. This includes oral and anal sex. When you're a Mormon, your panties stay on until your wedding night. While this means that we take it more seriously, it also means that proposals happen quicker. While most people date 9-12 months before courtship, it's not unheard of for couples to get engaged quicker. Do I suggest or condone that? No. But, it's rare to see courtships over a year and only in exceptional circumstances.

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