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Should You Make The First Move?

Despite making the first move in my younger days, I went through a phase when I thought that women should not make the first move in any way, shape, or form. I felt that it reeked of desperation.

First, I would like to define what I mean by “first move”. When I say “first move”, I simply mean initiating contact first.

While studies have shown that women who initiate contact get more dates, I don’t think it matters. Socially, some people tend to initiate more while others are less likely to initiate. Neither of these are wrong. Do what feels right to you. However, let him lead and move it along. If you’re a woman who can naturally work a room, work it! If you’re naturally more reserved, just chill out and let him come to you. Either way, don’t force it. Just go with the flow.

While I don’t think who makes the first move matters that much, I personally prefer a relationship where the man moves things along and leads the way. I also feel that these relationships tend to be more successful. However, there are exceptions and there is no judgement here.

For same sex couples, the dynamic may be more egalitarian or the more dominant party may lead the way. When I used to accept clients, I would advise an LGBT client to move things along and take initiative if they took rejection well and to lean back more if they did not.

I personally don’t think asking a man on a date is a great idea nor is it something that I feel comfortable with. While there is nothing morally wrong with that, I don’t think that it’s an effective way to date and have noticed that men tend to get lazier when this happens. I have known two cases where women took the reigns in a relationship and, while long lasting, they had some major issues. In those cases, the wife got taken for granted and they were more like roommates than lovers.

With that being said, there is no judgement. The most successful relationships I know literally just happened. Some were just friends, others were one night stands. I have seen and heard just about everything. So, go with the flow and chill out.

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