Despite its reputation Tinder isn’t necessarily a hook-up app. In all honesty, even something like Christian Mingle or Mutual could be a hook-up app if you make it one. So, don’t think of it that way. Think of Tinder more as a way to set up blind dates. If you do get inappropriate messages, just report them and move on.
Secondly, you can meet some great guys on Tinder. Even though I recently swore off dating apps, I’ve gone on dates with quite a few men and that’s where a majority of them have come from.
Most coaches say that you should use as many apps as possible. However, I don’t think that’s necessary. I think it depends on you. If you can keep track of a ton of dating apps, go for it. I’ve also had luck on Plenty of Fish and OkCupid in the past.
First, dating apps can create a false sense of intimacy and make you feel like you know the person better than you do. In my experience, it leads to relationships starting fast. Then, crashing and burning. While some couples do marry people they meet on dating apps, couples meet in all sorts of ways. Between Google and social media, it’s not hard to get information on someone to determine whether or not they would be a good fit.
With any dating app, the odds are good but, goods are usually odd. To weed the wrong people out, some people put every single dealbreaker on there. However, that tends to be counter-productive. There are some things you should put in your profile. For example, if you have kids, you should put that on your profile. When you list every single deal-breaker you have, you will either get a lot of guys who ignore them or be men who will make rude comments to you. I’ve heard quite a few, including the frequent “If we’re horizontal, a height difference doesn’t matter”. While I have since become more open to dating someone slightly shorter than me, that message only ensures one thing: that we will not be “horizontal” anytime soon.
While there is an argument that there are too many options and people don’t want relationships anymore, nothing could be further from the truth. While some people are happiest alone, this is a minority. Regardless of sexual orientation, people generally want someone to spend the rest of their life with. While that doesn’t necessarily mean marriage, most people want some variation of a long term relationship. Dating multiple people and “playing the field” is fun for about five minutes. Then, you just get bored. Sex is not hard to find. Dating is not hard to find. However, the real deal seems elusive. While there are many reasons for this, they don’t matter. Instead, here is a major tip to help you weed out the wrong people:
Don’t chat for a long time before you meet up in person or Facetime. Three to four exchanges are fair. After that, there either needs to be a phone call or Facetime call. I suggest the latter because I have had many men show up on dates looking nothing like their profile picture.
Contrary to popular belief, men engage in false advertising on dating apps too. If you somehow meet someone who lives far away or you are wary of dating during the Coronavirus pandemic, it is totally fine to take things slow and stick with Facetime for a while. It isn’t ideal. However, times are weird now. If you go this route, don’t spend hours on the phone and keep things light. The most I would spend would be thirty minutes. Even with the right people, there is only so much you can talk about. This also helps you pace the relationship.
I also recommend letting him move things along. In the case of a same-sex couple, I would recommend being honest with yourself. If you take rejection well, you can be the one to move it along. If not, let them lead. The latter could apply to heterosexual couples as well. However, I have never seen it work out well. Regardless, both are valid.
Whether or not you use dating apps, they are a valid way of meeting people. Honestly, how you meet someone doesn’t matter. How they treat you and how you feel with the matters much more. On a personal note, I love hearing about couples who started as a one night stand or hated each other, then fell in love and got married. Couples meet in many different ways and dating apps are not the only way. While so many people in my field press dating apps, it isn’t the only way to meet someone nor is it a requirement.