“If I let him pay for a date, he’ll think that I owe him something.”
“It’s only FAIR if I pay my half when we go out on a date.”
“It’s only fair if I compromise and meet him half way on (fill in the blank). If I don’t, he’ll leave!”
And we can’t have that, can we?
On the contrary, you should probably let him leave if he feels this way. Wanna know a secret? Emotionally healthy men don’t think this way. I know what you’re thinking “Who’s this sexist, chauvinist jerk telling me what to do?”
Honestly, I made the same mistakes that you’re making. I thought that if a man did something nice for me, I had to pay my half. I would sleep with men too early and claim I was “empowered” (even though I played myself). I gave men access to my mind, soul, time, and body that didn’t deserve it.
When I realized it later on in life, guess how I felt? Stupid. I felt like an idiot. Here I was- the epitome of a confident, strong woman and my actions were sending the opposite message.
Nowadays, access to me is earned. With the exception of jury duty and taxes, I only do things if I want to do them. I don’t go out with a man under the guise of “duty dating” to avoid being alone. I don’t feel that I need to prove anything to a man to get him to stick around. Why? Who I am is enough for the right person to stick around.
Women get caught up in all of this superficial crap. Looks, a career, and education will help you. But, they won’t make someone love you. When you try to prove yourself to someone, you don’t look like the bossbabe you want people to see you as.
Instead, you look insecure and desperate. Do you want to know something crazier? The right person won’t care. If someone is healthy, secure, emotionally stable, and into you, you won’t have to prove anything to them. Your company will be enough.
This doesn’t just go for dating either. Whether in your personal or professional life, you should be enough as you are. If you are consistently improving yourself and being the best version of yourself, you will be enough.
So, drop this insecure bullshit about having to “pay your way” or “proving yourself to him”. You won’t have to prove yourself to the right one. If you have to do more than show up, you need to reevaluate your relationship.